Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Navigating Love

It is as if there was a puppeteer overseeing the movements you make, the feelings you express and the words you use to express them; a sort of repetitious master with limited creativity and variety.  This would be your ego self.  It exists as a by product of the day to day situations of your life – reacting and coming to conclusions as it has since you were very young.  The sum of those conclusions, reactions and opinions has become your personality – your ego self.

This is not exactly the same self you portrayed when you were 2, but he or she is not far off.  The ego personality operates within a limited range.  It is predictable and easily manipulated once you have located the buttons to push.  This is the you whose been controlled by the media and other systems of control.  It is your identity in the world.

This personality can submit itself to any number of “changes” with the adoption of new behaviors and ideas – yet the permanence of them rarely occurs.  This is because in truth this personality you are attempting to alter has only one focus – self-preservation.  It views anything other than its original blueprint a threat and will fight to return there.  The fact that the blueprint was drawn by a child does not matter.  This is a program of survival.  That’s what matters.

If you are looking for real change and an alteration in how you occur, what is needed is recognition of your core – the “you” beneath and within your personality.  He or she could appear so different than “personality you” as to look and feel like a foreigner.  This being is familiar yet unclear on how to operate on a day to day basis in relationships that were formed not with it, but with the ego personality.

As most of us are in some version of long term relationships, whether with family or friends, this emergence of a different you is tricky to navigate.  You may very well act and feel vastly different than your ego self.  Others with whom you’ve engaged for many years will expect a certain familiar response and be taken off guard.

Although unintentional, you may find relationships that were based on feeding your ego self, are no longer satisfying, interesting or fun.  This can be a real issue for those of us with families whom we love.

What to do is as everything else, a personal choice.  Once you realize a core self that is uninterested in the stroking and co-dependence of your ego self, you may be surprised to discover that “love for everyone” does not immediately translate into “like and/or want to be with everyone”.

Life partners are chosen for many reasons. There is attraction – not just on a physical basis, but also on a sort of even exchange – what you offer and do for each other.  The part of you who made the “deal” so to speak, was your ego self and if he or she is no longer running things, relationships can feel somewhere in the range of “uncomfortable” to “just not working”.

It will take a decision and an awareness about what is happening to alter what may be an awkward or even unhappy relationship.  These things will not be done from your ego self, but from your core.

Relationships exist for joy, love, fun as well as growth and mutual benefit.  On any level, it will be your assessment of these attributes that decides whether or not to participate in them.  All things on this plane will end somehow.  It does not mean they are wrong or over, but have lasted for as long as they served their purpose.  What you decide about them from your core self will be based on a different set of parameters than what your ego self decided.

None of this is simple or straightforward, yet as you consistently reach for your core self, aka your heart, and listen – the way to proceed will be clear.  Proceed always with love. 

You are the One you’ve been waiting for.

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